I was yan of them lasses in school that developed boobs early and spent 2 year getting their bras strap twanged every 2 mins once the boys realised you wore a bra, after seeing you getting changed in the unisex change room at school…because you weren’t even old enough to have separate changing rooms in schools yet.

I started my periods earlier than most of the lasses too. Puberty was absolutely horrific for me and my experience was standard!! It really is just horrific for everyone. Girls more so than boys I reckon. When I turned 14 my Mam said I turned into “Kevin the teenager” over night. Dya remember Kevin from Kevin & Perry? Aye, that’s him. 

 

Like we all got half arsed lessons in school about how we were gonna grow boobs, our vag’s were gonna start bleeding, we were gonna have mood swings and that sex was gonna take over our lives, turn the men into absolute dogs and make us constantly horny for 4 years. You felt like you were on fire just grazing passed a boy in maths!!! (No you’re right, but that’s what they should have warned you about!)

A massive deal was made out of all these bodily changes, but they don’t prepare you for the chaos of mood swings,

and the fact that for us women, we go back there once a month and relive it! And not only that, it comes with horrible, sometimes unbearable physical symptoms and it’s never taken into consideration apart from when you’re fella’s does something to piss you off and when you take it up with him he blames it on your “time of the month”

The only time, the horrific sides effects are mentioned is when they are used against us…

 

I don’t want to jump on my feminist soapbox … but the feminists are right on this one.

So at 34, here I am, twining about my periods, but as someone with mental health issues, hormones, emotions, mood swings are in my everyday vocabulary so I can’t help but think about them on; at the very least a monthly basis.

I get the shit symptoms, I sweat EVERYWHERE and isn’t even my normal BO smell, it’s a weird sweet BO smell. 

Mood swings – This is the worst symptom for me. I can turn into a verbal assassin at the drop of a hat. Everything sets me off, every reaction I have to everything is at the extreme level. If I’m angry I’m absolutely raging, if I’m anxious you’d think the world was ending and If I’m depressed you’d think my dog had died (I nearly cried even writing that sentence…. I’m taking a break to cuddle my puppy).

Bloating – and I mean I am pregnant looking and  struggling to move. Like my belly gets so hard you’d think I was growing a baby. And the slightest touch to my belly makes me feel sick and I get this smooshy pain that ripples right through me.

And I fart with such gusto I lift the quilt off the bed. 

 

Period pains/Bad Back – The spasms in my actual womb, it feels like I’m living the scene in alien, you know the one. It’s like there’s something inside, trying to get out, and then every now and again, I get that one searing white pain that shoots right through my womb and up my spine and sometimes make me pass out

Fatigue- For some mad reason, I always forget how fatigued I can get during my period as if it’s actually forgettable!, and don’t think I just mean tired, this is a whole new level of tiredness. I sleep for 12-14 hours a night, I’m always tired, my limbs constantly feel heavy. I take lazy to a new level, and I’m not even using being lazy in a negative way, everything feels like a massive effort, like, I’ll let my phone go dead before I can be arsed getting up to get my charger.

Fat B*$t&£D Syndrome – I eat for me, I eat for you and your 3 kids and your dog. I become a bottomless pit, and

I’m a fat bird, like it’s a massive challenge to already eat more than what I already do, when I’m depressed as fuck in lockdown. There’s bugger all to distract me when I’m working from home where, I can eat the contents of my fridge comfortably in front of my desk in my jamas and I only have to make an effort when I have a team meeting and even then I just do the top half! Let me tell you now, I beat that every month. I had choclate fudge cake at 10.30am last Friday just coz. Just because I could and no-one could tell me that I shouldn’t. And I’m. Not. Even. Ashamed.

 

But when you put all of those together, not to mention that you are constantly bleeding, and every now and again, you pass a clot and you spend 30 seconds standing in the queue at the garage wondering “oh shit have I pissed myself?” or “Fuck is it seeping through my jeans”

Fellas reckon that puberty is hard for em, coz they’re well always…hard, but at least they grow out of it, like we have to relive this shit every month, EVERY MONTH and not only that, the symptoms take on a mind of their own and they chop and change for nowt, just coz they can, just coz they ask themselves every month what can they do to fuck up your month this time….

 

What my point is though, is these symptoms get pretty heavy really quickly and there’s sod all you can do about it AND 50% of the world goes through the same thing and it is never ever taken into consideration in relation to your reaction to things, why your clothes bin is slightly fuller than usual, there are a couple of pans in the sink waiting to be washed, or you haven’t got a full face of makeup on today and the worst thing you can hear  “You look a bit tired today, you ok?” “Yes Karen, I’m fine, I just haven’t used my usual trowel on my face today, I’m au naturel”

 

and then there’s the…..

 

“Aww, put a smile on your face, it might never happen”.

 

Like, give us a break man, you try bleeding for 7 days and keeping a smile on your fyace, sod them, grab yourself a hot water bottle, pop a couple of CBD tablets and chill out, at the very least you deserve that!

 

 

Women in Japan, Hong Kong and South Korea are covered by period leave, by which they are entitled to 2 days off to manage their period symptoms. Why has this approach not been adopted in the UK or Europe. Italy considered it, but there was a fear that companies wouldn’t employ women because they would have too much time off and the women would be viewed as weak. WEAK! Are they fucking kidding me?? 

 

Our approach to periods as a nation has got to change, we’ve made a huge step in getting rid of the tampon tax, but there’s still a lo0ng way to go. Let’s not make women ashamed of their periods, by not using crappy blue liquid to represent blood on tampon adverts, not using PMS as a put down for airing our views. Get it together Lads coz when you’re feeling emotional and down, it’s your Lass that understands and picks you back up again, surely we deserve the same respect?

 

We know you like to think we’re Wonderwoman, but even she had periods!